I got a couple of phone calls while at work tonight. One from my aunt and the other from my brother. Grandpa was put into a nursing home a little better than a month ago. The transfusions he has been receiving for the past couple of years no longer serve any purpose, as he has developed antibodies against the blood. He has lost significant weight, is anemic and is in a state of confusion since his brain is not getting the oxygen it needs.

Anyway....Jason visited with Grandpa yesterday and he was not his usual responsive self. The docs have convinced the family to call in hospice. My brother said that it was surreal how much he looks like my Dad just before he died. Aunt Clara and Jason have both assured me there is no reason to hurry up to Arkansas to see him, as he probably wouldn't recognize me...that perhaps my last living memories of him should be of our time together over Christmas.

I keep looking @ my phone, expecting a call at any moment to inform me of his death.

Please say a prayer for me. In a couple of weeks would have been my Dad's 62nd birthday. Its going on 3 years since he passed. The loss of my Dad is still a very tender, raw nerve--and this seems to re-open the wound wide and expose me to the elements. I recognize Grandpa has had a full 94 years...and yet--still.....well, you know.

I am grateful for our time in Texas so far...but when it comes to my familial relationships, the physical distance has in some ways created a chasm I resent. When I spoke to Jason tonight, he said he was going to sit with him tomorrow (Tuesday) and just "be"...even though he wasn't sure Grandpa was cognizant of his surroundings. I asked J to stroke his face, tell grandpa that I love him and wished I could be there to hug his neck. My fantasy is that Grandpa will feel warmth and love from his family even as he is transitioning from here to there.....and that thought gives me comfort.